There are very few things I hate about the Christmas season. Top of the list will always be the Carpenters singing Christmas carols. Second on the list, and fighting hard for first place, is that damned Elf. I can’t wait till Christmas is over so I can stop being Elf Shamed!
I loved the idea of Elf on the Shelf. What a great little story! Some genius mom invented a creepy little spy to keep her kids in check for an entire month. She made a bazillion dollars on top of that. Happiest ending ever! Way to go lady! Plus 4 points to the lady that invents the creepy spy to keep them in check all year, and after they find out who really sponsors the holiday. Let’s face it, “Santa’s watching!” doesn’t work in May. It certainly doesn’t work once the kids start snooping, and sharing stories at the school lunch table.
Years ago when “Peppermint” arrived I was excited to play that whole game with Gwen, until I realized how much work it was. Work like REMEBERING TO MOVE THE DAMN THING! I’m lucky I remember to feed the dogs, and they only get fed because they go to the bowls and curse at me in the form of a pathetic starving whine.
Gwen usually hates going to bed, and getting up. Peppermint shouldn’t be a problem for me to move in the mornings. There is something magical about Christmas break though! Gwen is up later than I am, and up before I am most days now. What luck!
I would love to be that mom that cleverly thinks of ways to get Peppermint to give Barbie a massage, throw a bubble bath party for the Monster High ghouls, or maybe make my coffee! At this rate, Peppermint has been flung on the floor in a desperate attempt to not get busted moving him so many times I am surprised his head is still attached. I’d also love to be that mom that puts her kid to bed, and that kid stays in her bed all night, but that’s another blog post entirely.
The moms that are Elf Shaming me all over the internet need to get lazy. I am tired of being Elf Shamed. Why can’t they forget? Or just sit the stupid thing on a shelf and leave it there, make up a story about how the Elf didn’t want to be a spy anymore and he wanted to be a lazy hobo or something. I might even do that next year! These moms are overachievers. I bet their kids make honor roll too. Disgusting.
Every morning has been a race against Gwen to get to Peppermint to move his lazy Elf carcass to another spot. So far he’s made it across the length of the living room floor, face down, inch by inch, and that’s it. He’s inching over to the door, I think, so he can find a new home. Maybe it will be the home of a mom that will spoil him with Barbie bubble baths while crooning to the Carpenter’s. I can only hope. Good luck, Peppermint. Now’s your chance, because if you don’t relocate this year, it’s Hoboville for you in 2014!